Issue 48: The Great Holiday Pajamas Takedown
Someone had to say it.
This post has been five years in the making. My sixth year as a parent means this is my sixth year of hunting down cute, reasonably priced, not-sold-out holiday pajamas for my kids. When I tell you the absolute WRATH this search has instilled in me over the years! I’ve gone low-brow and I’ve gone high-brow. I’ve shopped online and browsed in-store. And I always inevitably end up with pajamas that are mediocre at best. I felt that this year was finally the time for an airing of sleepwear grievances. My gripes are a-plenty, so let’s get down to it!
Just a small sampling of yuletide PJ failures
Fair Isle. An obvious first place to start, as this theme abounds in the matching jams category. Buffalo check and any kind of festive plaid is included here, as well as any pattern labeled “modern and merry.” I’ll tell you one thing: my children have certainly never been impressed by a pattern. This isn’t the Academy of Art or FIDM. Move along.
Goldolas. Ah yes, the market is just brimming with children who are thrilled by gondolas!! See also: “winter cabin.” The only parents (moms) buying these are the muckety mucks who own a fourth home in Aspen. Toodles!
Holiday Harvest. Excuse? There’s a gnome-ish Santa man with an ax slung over his shoulder on these jams. Absolutely unhinged.
Dog-themed. Hard pass. I don’t like dogs. My kids are meh on dogs. Maybe you are a dog person and I love that life for you. We love cats though! Do holiday cat-themed pajamas exist? NOPE! Cats don’t belong on Christmas pajamas, you dummy!
Peppermint Mocha. You buy these jams, you’re about to have a 7-year-old asking for Starbies gift cards and a Sephora wrinkle-reducing glycolic acid face serum for Christmas. You’ll only have yourself to blame!!
Merry Berry. Does your child like to crochet in their spare time, or keep Werther’s in their wool cardigan pocket? These might be for them!
Snowflakes. For winter? Groundbreaking. These are from Hill House Home, so I don’t really need to explain myself. Boring, bleak and $60. It’s a little rude honestly.
“Howdy Holidays” Western-themed Snow Globe. Someone in the MAGAverse had to be behind this, yeah? It’s way too niche for the category, not to mention the border wall undertones. Another no.
Whimsical Winter. If you bought your kid pajamas with pillar candles and/or church bells on them, you’re the mom on the group chat that all the other moms have a side chat about.
Nutcracker. This theme is everywhere for some reason, right along with “toy soldier.” Do kids like The Nutcracker? This is an honest question. I’m not sure I’ve known a child to regale me with their commentary on the breathtaking artistry of a wintertime ballet performance, but that may just be me!!
Trees. SO MANY TREE JAMS. Colorful trees! Snow-dusted trees. Decorated trees! Trees on trucks. Trees with dogs (ugh more dogs). Small trees, big trees! PSA: kids don’t like trees that much (or at all?)
Polar Bears and Penguins. Absolute snoozefest, and not in a festive way. Plus, they’re priced at $49 a set!!! Hanna Anderssen, how dare you. And hot take—winter pajamas ≠ holiday pajamas. I said what I said.
Character-themed jams. Some of these do work well (looking at you, Grinch). But the chances of siblings having an affinity for the same character, show or movie is just very small. Listen: if you’re a Peanuts or Star Wars family, I’m really happy for you. But my gut says that any 3-year-old sporting a Linus onesie was bribed into putting that thing on their bod.
And now…2024 Holiday Pajama WINS!
Hey, it’s not all doom and gloom around here. Mostly, but not all! Here are some jams from this season’s lineup that I think got it mostly right.
A Very Pixar Christmas. These are actually pretty cute, and what I think works is that the set includes several favorite Pixar characters in one design, which means they are much more likely to please siblings.
Twinkling Trees. Yes, I just roasted tree-themed pajamas, but this set is different for two reasons. First, the trees are much more whimsical and fun, and second, they come in pink *and* green. I love a not-too-matchy matching set, and these tick that box.
New York City Christmas. Ugh, I miss NYC so much (especially at Christmastime) and if my kids had actually ever set foot in any of the five boroughs or knew what a taxi was, these would be in my cart. New York friends, please buy these from this random, shady website and report back!
Elf on the Shelf. We do not participate in Shelfnanigans in the Moyer household, as I elected not to enter the tenth circle of hell every December. If you do, I’m deeply sorry, and also these jams would actually probably be a really big hit with your kids.
Santa Mouse. These may be the most perfect holiday pajamas. Santa Mouse is one of our favorite Christmas books (I grew up reading it when I was a kid!) and has become beloved by my kids, too. If I thought spending $60 on one set of pajamas was a sane thing to do, I would absolutely snatch these up.
The Night Before Christmas. As a lover of the classic story, I had to include these. There’s a lot going on here, which could make it fun for kids to match the pictures on the pajamas to pages in the book—a hail-mary purchase that could surprise everyone!
Winter Nostalgia. These are solely for my own delight, I’ll admit that. My kids would not be fans. But the pattern is so dang cute—milk and cookies, a quaint present with a bow, a letter to Santa!—that I can’t resist them, try as I might. Hey, Big Holiday Pajamas has its claws in all of us—including me.🎄
Pajama lovers/haters: Is there a holiday pattern you saw in years past that still haunts you? Spot anything shockingly cute this year? Tell me!