Issue 56: Week(s) in Review
Plus: a few overdue mentions!
I knew Chase’s extended spring break was going to throw a bit of a wrench into our routine (eight school days off due to his year-round schedule), but what I didn’t know was that I was going to get sick, then Kyle was going to be in bed with a fever for four days, that I was going to be solo parenting for nearly a week, all while trying to prepare for a fast-approaching 4-day shoot for work. The wheels came off, we sputtered and blew some tires, but the vehicle finally slowed and we were left mostly in tact.
I plucked stray minutes from our days trying desperately to put this newsletter together many times over, but it wasn’t meant to be. I had to let it go and give myself grace. I missed it so much, and it reminded me how happy I am to have this space to write and share and be.
Admist the chaos, we managed a few fun outings: a trip to Shell Beach just north of Bodega Bay along Highway 1, where we love to wade into the tidepools and look for starfish. There were so many, hiding in the crevices between rocks, deep purples and bright oranges. It still delights me every time I spot one.
We drove up to Healdsburg to introduce my mom to our new favorite bakery, Quail + Condor, which makes the flakiest croissants and super cinnamon-y cinnamon rolls topped with the exact right amount of cream cheese frosting (that is to say: lots).
We drove into the city to see the balloon museum pop-up at the Palace of Fine Arts, which I hadn’t been to in years; it’s such a beautiful landmark, and the weather was perfect. The museum was a trip, so many bright lights and colors and concepts—the kids enjoyed it and I was tickled by it as well, though I actually think it would be a better date activity, buzzy after a few cocktails or a gummy (!) and no meltdowns to manage.
Afterwards, we drove just a few minutes over to Tunnel Tops in the Presidio, an epic park made entirely of natural materials (think stone slide, climbing structures made from fallen trees, lots of water play). It’s right on the bay and overlooks the golden gate bridge and is one of those places that reminds me how lucky we are to live here.
From the park we walked to the shore of the bay to jump in the lapping waves and watch the kite surfers come in for the day. We were tired and sandy and happy.
A day later, my shoot kicked off. I was on both prop and food styling for a video shoot in Guerneville, which is about 45 minutes northwest of where we live—a beautiful drive through country roads, redwoods, tiny little towns, and even a few vineyards, one that I got to make eight times, commuting there and back each day. The team was wonderful—no egos, lots of laughter and just good people—which made for a really great project, despite the long hours. I was happy to be doing something creative after so many days of sickness and caregiving.
The weather here has shifted to sunny and 75° almost consistently, which feels perfectly timed to the spring season, and I’m feeling an excitement for these coming months. After the exhaustion and depletion of the last two weeks, I feel so grateful for my family’s health, for Kyle who took off work and held down the fort while I was away, for kids who are resilient and forgiving.
I hope the beginnings of your April have been a bit more tame, and if not, I hope you’re able to find solace in the knowing that we usually bookend the hard parts right-side-up, with fresh eyes on the road ahead.
Worth Reading
The Motherload by Sarah Hoover
Hoover’s memoir about her first year as a mother, The Motherload: Episodes from the Brink of Motherhood, is not for the faint of heart—it’s raw, honest, and at times painful to witness as a reader. She spares very few details, recounting the trauma of birth, the lack of connection she felt to her baby, and a deep desire to disappear from her new life as a mom. What compelled me the most, though, was how long she spent dismissing or minimizing the acute symptoms of postpartum depression—as I imagine too many new moms do—because the phenomenon is still largely excluded from prenatal discussion; women still don’t know how common it is or what behaviors and feelings to look for in those early weeks and months. On top of that, there’s a real fear of judgment for this disconnect, furthering isolation in a time we’ve been told will be magical and full of unparalled joy. Hoover—who is quite wealthy—had a lot of help and endless resources, but this somehow makes the narrative even stronger: we’re failing mothers everywhere, regardless of circumstance, privilege or life station.
Worth Clicking
“What If I Didn’t Get Everything (Anything) Done?” by of
I needed these words after these last few weeks—days with plans that I had to postpone or abandon. She encourages the reader to ask themselves what might happen if the thing didn’t get done, or maybe got done on a smaller scale, and how the world might not collapse. She writes:
So if you didn’t get to that thing you meant to do today, yesterday, or two weeks ago (or, let’s be real, three months ago), maybe it’s not because you’re lazy or weak or bad at life. Maybe it’s just that being a person who’s paying attention right now is harder than usual.
Doing my best this week to tackle what I can (even if it’s late or imperfect) and let the other chips fall where they may.
Related reading: I also loved Janine’s post “What if I don’t know how to have an impact?” which is inspiring, comforting and actionable all at once.
Worth Reciting
“Mother Talks Back to the Monster” by Carrie Shipers (h/t my dear friend Lauren)
Tonight, I dressed my son in astronaut pajamas, kissed his forehead and tucked him in. I turned on his night-light and looked for you in the closet and under the bed. I told him you were nowhere to be found, but I could smell your breath, your musty fur. I remember all your tricks: the jagged shadows on the wall, click of your claws, the hand that hovered just above my ankles if I left them exposed. Since I became a parent I see danger everywhere— unleashed dogs, sudden fevers, cereal two days out of date. And even worse than feeling so much fear is keeping it inside, trying not to let my love become so tangled with anxiety my son thinks they're the same. When he says he's seen your tail or heard your heavy step, I insist that you aren't real. Soon he'll feel too old to tell me his bad dreams. If you get lonely after he's asleep, you can always come downstairs. I'll be sitting at the kitchen table with the dishes I should wash, crumbs I should wipe up. We can drink hot tea and talk about the future, how hard it is to be outgrown.
Worth Noting
This Week’s Honorable Mentions
Back on my outdoor drinkware game—these Crate & Barrel acrylic coupes are it.
Also in the homewares category, I just discovered that Heath Ceramics (based nearby in Sausalito) has a vintage and resale site called Pass the Plate full of ceramics from past seasons. You can even submit an item request if you’re pining after something you wished you bought, and still think of.
Hacks is back, hope is alive!
Bon Iver released their new album, SABLE, fABLE, last week and though their music always feels like a soundtrack to winter to me, I’m enjoying during this transition from winter to spring.
Violet of included me in her Mothers Assemble issue around body image in pregnancy. I wrote this piece when I was pregnant with my daughter and I was so thrilled to be able to share it again in her newsletter.
Golfish Cinnamon Roll Grahams taste like a cross between Biscoff and Mother’s taffy cookies, which is to say they are delicious.
I watched Adolescence and yes it destroyed me but I also found it to be deep and nuanced and ripe for conversation with parent friends.
Bought the cutest tulip sheets for Emma, and think they would be equally as sweet for adults.
Wondering if these satin pants could possibly be kid-friendly?! Say yes.
I finished The Tell last month (listened on audio!) and found Amy Griffin’s story so captivating. Have you read it?
Adding these to my kids’ Easter baskets—perfect for little hands on game night.
In Case You Missed It…
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