Issue 43: Gatekeep? Moms Could Never
I want to know what you know.
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In the golden age of recommendations, there’s been some chatter on the internet that maybe it’s time for us all to start (or restart) gatekeeping the things we love, or at the very least stop publishing them to a widespread audience. The argument, I guess, is that we’re all starting to sort of look and act like a monolith. Alison Roman made some good points—particularly that recommendations lead to less serendipity and discovery when we’re all chasing a known and covetable item, destination, locale—but overall I think this stance on gatekeeping is extremely flawed, especially in relation to motherhood.
Moms in many ways rely on this relaying of information to, well, survive. (Ok that’s dramatic but stay with me). Most of the time we just don’t have the bandwidth to follow coverage of spring fashion trends, or sort through 1200 reviews of moisturizer, or read the synopsis of every summer book release. We count on the trial and error and late-night texts from other women to, quite frankly, help us make a damn decision about which shorts to buy at J. Crew.
One of my best friends the other day texted, “hey, can I give you some unsolicited advice about how to keep your kids from barfing for 3 days straight next time they have the flu?” Um, YES PLEASE! I want all of the recs from other moms—and the women in my life at large. Give me every last lunchbox hack, your favorite full-coverage underwear, the book that saved your sex life. I’ll give you my babysitter’s phone number and the restaurant with the play area that no one knows about. These small gestures make the overwhelming job of mothering just a little bit easier.
Despite this being a newsletter with recommendations as one of its core elements, I am not under the delusion that I am scooping anything (dear god I hope you’re not either!!). However, I do hope you’re able to pull out a thing or two each issue that brings more ease to your days, whether that’s a small insight garnered from one of my essays, or the reminder of a show you meant to watch, or a well-loved dinner recipe that will make your Wednesday night less Wednesday-ish. Let’s keep the gates open for each other.
The Mentions
Worth Watching: Under the Bridge, Hulu
I put this one off a bit so I could binge it closer its conclusion, and whew, what a ride! Gripping storyline, based on true events, and fantastic casting (Riley Keough always, and also all of the teen actors were exceptional). I didn’t know the story it was based on, so I was on the edge of my seat for all eight episodes.
Worth Reading: Good Material by Dolly Alderton (Amazon // Bookshop.org)
This book. THIS BOOK! An absolute perfect novel that follows the unraveling of Andy, a struggling comedian, after his breakup with longtime girlfriend, Jen. I laughed out loud throughout, welled up with tears from its tenderness, and nodded in recognition of the complicated, wide-ranging, singular emotions that accompany the loss of great love. The ending is unexpected and will destroy you in the best way. Dynamic and layered, this one will absolutely be a favorite of 2024 for me.
Related listening: this discussion on the Bad on Paper podcast was a fun accompaniment to the book.
Worth Subscribing: The Sunday Dreads by Nora McInerny
Sent every Sunday, a short note that acts as a bit of a balm to the week ahead. Warm, soft, gentle vibes. I particularly loved this week’s, which posits the question, “What would you do if failing was okay?”
Worth Quoting: Cleo Wade
how to do the thing you are afraid to do
grab fear’s hand
grab hope’s hand
start walking
Worth Noting: This Week’s 10 Honorable Mentions
Queuing up this episode of Serialously about the recent death of Mica Miller, whose pastor husband is at the center of suspicion. 👀
Blackberries and vanilla cream with crispy puff pastry, oooooook!
These very cool (and very Northern California) rope sandals, first spotted on Jessi in San Francisco (a great IG follow for basics and classic items). You can find them at many retailers in several colors.
Finished maybe the most hyped contemporary lit book of summer, All Fours by Miranda July, and it was…a lot. Still processing, but currently seeking out every podcast interview to learn more about her work on this truly one-of-a-kind read.
A very meaningful way to celebrate a birthday.
As someone whose backyard is finally coming together, I’m determined to do some hosting this summer—and Big Night looks like the perfect cookbook for inspiration.
Pasta cupcakes, made by the charming Giada and her teenage daughter Jade.
Intrigued by the new Hotel Lobby candle Hamptons, described as “rich, green and earthy…a vegetable garden in bloom.”
The new NYT game Strands is no Connections, but has definitely grown on me.
A great linen mini dress for summer in the perfect shade of red.