Issue 37: Already Good

A few thoughts on the big 4-0.

A reminder I keep hanging in my office, a nod to a poem from Kate Baer’s book of poetry, And Yet.

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Worth Mentioning: Already Good

On December 31st, I turned 40. From what I heard throughout my 30s, forty is supposedly the age at which you stop caring so much—about career success, accomplishments and failures, how big your butt is, and most importantly, what everyone thinks about it all. It’s the era when you stop being such a try-hard and start being a don’t-try-so-hard. Honestly, I balked at the concept, insisting that I would always care—not so much about the career or status or money stuff, but definitely about what people would think of me, and the life I was building.

Now that I’ve reached 40, I think the sentiment was right in many ways—I do care much less about what people think of me than I did at 20, 25, 35. But what feels more notable to me is how much less critical I am of myself. I feel so much less shame around the things I haven’t accomplished, of the faults I haven’t righted, of the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make than I did previously. I have more compassion for this self who still has more to do and learn and see and experience. It sounds pollyanna-ish, but I feel strangely grateful for the fact that I (hopefully) have many years left to grow in my marriage and friendships, to show up more fully for the people I love, to keep learning how to live compassionately and gratefully in this world. Though I don’t care as much about the external achievements—the shiny things others can see and judge me for—I still care deeply about a growth that is quieter, more personal, and not nearly as shiny.

In this next decade I’d like to write consistently, read more expansively, challenge myself creatively. I’d like to spend more time chasing romance with Kyle, and to earmark more dates to spend with my kids individually. I’d like to take trips to visit faraway friends; I’d like to embark on a solo retreat at least once each year.

Most of all, I’d like to keep myself open to change and growth while simultaneously remembering that who I am today and tomorrow and the next day is already good. I’m reminding myself that I can strive for self betterment while also knowing that this me is worthy of everything, as she is.

I hope this year brings you laughter and hope and contentment, and the knowledge that you, too, are already good.

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Worth Reading: Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano (Bookshop.org // Amazon)

You’ve probably seen this book floating around many of the Best Of 2023 lists—and for good reason. While it started a little slow for me, once I got into it, I was in. Beautifully crafted and poetically told, this book is a memorable one. It’s the story of the four Padavano sisters over the course of 30 years, through loss, grief, love, heartbreak, the complicated paths we choose to walk, and those we leave behind.

Worth Reading Aloud: Buffalo Fluffalo by Bess Kalb (Bookshop.org // Amazon)

Another kids book rec! Last issue, I mentioned the hilarious Bess Kalb and her can’t-miss newsletter in the Worth Noting section. This time, it’s for her new children’s book, Buffalo Fluffalo. I picked this up hot off the presses, and was as delighted by it as I hoped to be. It’s a tale about a grumpy buffalo who learns that what’s on the outside isn’t nearly as interesting as what’s on the inside. It’s sweet and silly and has fantastic illustrations, and—oh yeah!—my kids loved it too.

Worth Sipping: Cann

A group of my mom friends and I get together every December to swap our favorite things from the year, and one of them brought this: weed soda. I’m just whetting my weed whistle (ew sorry) but it turns out moms have been on this beat for ages. Cann’s 8 oz cans include 2mg THC and 4mg CBD—a nice substitute for wine to take edge off (they also have hi-boys with 5mg THC). Unlike gummies, it takes effect quickly (let’s get through this tantrum, can we!?), and they taste amazing. I’ve now fallen down the drinkables rabbit hole (so many brands and flavors), full report to come.

Worth Quoting: Hannah Rosenberg, Poet

Worth Noting: This week’s honorable mentions

1. The #1 thing that motivates change? Having a menu of options.

2. Oscar season is officially upon us!

3. Ugh, this denim jumpsuit.

4. Very good, cheeky socks by Kule.

5. Illuminating cream bronzer, for people who don’t understand bronzer. 🙋‍♀️ (I have shade West Coast.)

6. DIY upholstered frames?! Color me intrigued.

7. Being hungover while parenting is the 10th circle of hell. I wonder if these really help?

8. Excited for Jen Romolini’s book Ambition Monster, coming this summer.

9. Do I need to try Courteney Cox’s line of luxury cleaning products, y/n?

10. Witchy Incense.