Issue 24: A Pregnant Pause
Plus: two great reads, a summer side dish + an app that will save you
Hi! If you’re new here, you can head to the about page to learn more about me and this newsletter, or read past issues in the archive. So happy to have you!
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Worth Considering: A Pregnant Pause
When I last wrote here—over a dozen weeks ago—I was trudging through the psychological and physical tolls of pregnancy’s third trimester. It was hard then, and has only gotten harder. I’m 9 days overdue with my daughter, and the emotional weight of the endeavor has reached its peak.
Tonight I’ll be induced into labor. I’ve spent the last week coming to terms with the fact that this could be a reality. I lay awake in the early morning hours turning various scenarios over in my head. I cried while I curb-walked, trying to propel the process along myself. I sent searching messages to friends who have been here before me, grasping for solace in their words. And finally, I let go.
In my last piece, I wrote about the body’s transition through pregnancy and motherhood—an experience that can at once be described as a trauma as it can a transformation. This holds true now more than ever. I received notes from so many women saying how much it touched them, how they saw themselves in my words.
But there was also feedback with a different tone, one of confusion, concern, even pity. I didn’t realize you hated motherhood so much! and wow, pregnancy sounds awful.
To verbalize negativity about our lived experience as a woman is still very much frowned upon; I see it in the harsh comments of vulnerable posts on social media, in the words used to describe women who wear honesty on their sleeve: emotional, dramatic, whiny, selfish, ungrateful. But most often I see it in the way we hide our interior world from the outside world; from our family, from our friends, from ourselves. We deny parts of us that are messy, imperfect, unsure. We live in a world that expects us to know the answers, so we hide when we feel like we don’t.
We still very much expect women to play a role, put on a happy face, and smile. Please, don’t forget to smile.
I am beginning to see a shift in small ways, if I look in the right places and squint hard enough. Women are starting to expose themselves as who they really see themselves as, in both the brightest days and the darkest nights. Images that have been squirreled away and labeled inappropriate come to light: the cellulite is allowed to peek out from beneath the dress’s hem, the baby is shown screaming in the early morning hours, a tear-stained cheek is revealed.
If, in these moments, we can replace judgement and pity with knowing and empathy, it will change the world. If we can find recognition of ourselves in another, even when the experience is unfamiliar from our own. Instead of that’s awful for her to I remember when.
Of course, this lens extends far outside the reaches of mothering, womanhood, marriage, personal identity or inner crises. I think about it often in the folds of issues that we might not feel a direct impact on our own lives, but that affect many so deeply: social justice, sexual abuse, depression and anxiety. Simply because the experience does not mirror that of our own, there is almost always a through line between theirs and ours. We are all trudging through grief and loss and pain—in some way, at some point—that to not be able to pause and try to do the work to see ourselves in another is simple laziness and complacency.
And so this week, I will embark on a new season of life—a second newborn stage, postpartum hormones, mothering a toddler, tending to a marriage, remembering myself in fleeting moments. It will be overwhelmingly wonderful and excruciatingly hard. And I will continue to boast my victories and catalog my struggles in equal measure. To reveal our fractures so another may see themselves as less broken is the greatest gift we can offer each other.
Worth Reading: Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid (Amazon // Bookshop.org)
I devoured Taylor Jenkins Reid’s newest novel in the same way I did her last book, Daisy Jones and the Six, both of which are what I think of as elevated beach reads: smart, well-written, poignant, while also having a lightness and humor about them. It chronicles the lives of four siblings, alternating between a present-day recounting of their epic, annual summer bash and the fraught childhoods of their past. The Malibu setting also makes it the perfect page-turner for summer.
Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad (Amazon // Bookshop.org)
This heart-wrenching yet hopeful memoir, about a 23-year-old who is diagnosed with a form of leukemia just as she is embarking on adulthood, captured me from the first page. Jaouad is an incredible writer (the memoir was borne from a column she began writing for the New York Times while in treatment), and the second half of the book—about her 100-day cross-country roadtrip once in remission—is just as compelling.
Currently on my nightstand: The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave, The Sum of Us by Heather McGhee
I swear he was way more excited about this gift than he seems in the picture!
Worth Sending: Polaroid Thank You Notes
I found this idea somewhere on the internet, though I absolutely cannot remember exactly where. It’s such a good one though: along with a traditional thank you note (which, sorry, end up in the trash upon arrival), you include a picture of the gift you received in use (I just snap one with my Instax camera). It adds a personal touch, and will give the giftee all the feels seeing their present being used and loved.
Worth Bopping: Olivia Rodrigo, SOUR (Spotify // Apple Music)
It’s honestly embarrassing to even include this mention—seeing as the album is most certainly meant for an audience 20 years younger than me and if you spend any amount of time on the internet you are already aware of its virality—but it’s been on repeat here and this newsletter is nothing if not transparent!! I can’t quite pinpoint what Rodrigo’s vibe is, but it’s some mix of mid-career Taylor and early Avril—moody and angsty but also a little tender and vulnerable. My two-year-old requests “Brutal” by name (the clean version, ahem) and I am a big fan of “Jealousy Jealousy” and “Favorite Crime.”
Related reading: How Olivia Rodrigo’s “Sour” Became a Canvas for Millennial Nostalgia (The Ringer)
Worth Making: Crispy Smashed Potatoes
These little gems are everything I want in a side dish: crispy, salty, carb-y (duh), and loaded with olive oil. They are also super easy to make and basically foolproof. They pair with *literally* any main dish (though I like them best with a perfectly rare skirt or hanger steak), and you can top them with sour cream or eat them as-is, preferably straight off the baking sheet with your bare hands. I used the recipe linked above, but I never make the suggested dressing, just following steps 1-2. I err on a longer baking time, making sure the edges of the potatoes get perfectly crispy. An instant year-round staple in our dinner rotation.
Worth Downloading: Digit
Digit is a really neat app that helps you save money—without really trying. Once you connect Digit to your bank account, the app will pull various amounts of money into a “savings goal” of your choice (anything from travel to credit card debt to buying a new couch!). The amounts the app pulls vary by account balance and previous spending habits—plus it will never overdraft and you can set savings limits. I was skeptical at first (couldn’t I save on my own without an app?!) but being able to “set it and forget it” mitigated my own excuses to save and ended up accumulating a large amount of money (over $1k in less than 3 months!) without me even noticing. The app will charge you $5/month, but this small fee feels worth it to not have to manage the savings on my own.
Note: If you sign up using the link above, you’ll get $5 deposited into your Digit account! Not sponsored, just a fun perk.
Worth Spending: Scoopneck Sleeveless Midi Dress, Gap
If you’ve seen me in the last month, you’ve probably seen me in this dress. It’s the ideal summer ensemble: breathable cotton, fitted in the chest but looser around the hips, and the perfect length, hitting mid-calf. I sized up one to accommodate a very-pregnant midsection, but am 100% planning to wear this postpartum and through early fall. There’s also a nearly identical version at Gap Factory in a dreamy cornflower blue colorway that I’m adding to cart ASAP.
Worth Quoting: Tennessee Williams
"What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains."
Worth Noting: This Week’s Honorable Mentions
On the hunt for Topo Chico’s version of hard seltzer (that strawberry guava!)…
…and also trying to perfect my coconut margarita (A Couple Cooks)
Adding Pizza Mac ‘n’ Cheese to my postpartum “recovery” menu (How Sweet Eats)
A bookmark-worthy miscarriage gift guide (Almost Makes Perfect)
Obsessed with this breezy, unfussy line of perfect summer dresses (Aura)
A $20 satin jumpsuit that is *technically* sleepwear but could definitely work for date night with the right accessories (Target)
A super-handy tool for selecting the perfect font for your project (Font Brief)
The chicest patio-friendly acrylic glassware (West Elm)
Bar carts are out, but this bar cabinet is most certainly in (Anthropologie; plus this similar version for half the price!)
Remedying my black thumb with this fun, visual guide to all things plant-care (How Many Plants)
A captivating photo series of the people who hold titles in the Guinness Book of World Records (My Modern Met)
Loads of inspiration for building a personal art collection (Studio DIY)
Counting down to Hanya Yanagihara’s forthcoming novel To Paradise; her debut A Little Life is one of my all-time favorite books. (The Cut)
Extremely excited for the new season of Ted Lasso coming in July!!
Yes! I love the idea of an Instax thank you note!!! Definitely worth trying