Issue 10: The Agony of Maximizing Stolen Time
Plus: Jazzy jams, high-voltage ice cream and swoon-worthy cookware
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Worth Considering: The Agony of Maximizing Stolen Time
Tonight as I was putting my 15-month-old to sleep, he fell asleep in my arms. This never happens anymore. Usually, he finishes his bottle and starts squirming, an indication that he’s done with this bedtime charade, that he wants nothing more than to roll onto his belly, stick his thumb in his mouth, and bid adieu to another arduous day of becoming a person.
But not tonight. His eyes fluttered, then closed. I braced myself for the squirm, but it didn’t come. The weight of his body sunk into the weight of my body, heavy in every sense of the word. I studied his eyelashes, the shape of his fingers; I saw the sheen of milk glazing his lips, illuminated by the yellowy light of dusk peeking through cracks in the window shade. I listened to hear the slow rhythm of his breath, holding my own so as not to disturb his; in and out, in and out.
As quickly as I had fallen into his perfections and imperfections I was pulled out just as fast: I felt a jolt of anxiety, a pang of urgency. In my mind, I ticked off the things I could be doing instead of watching my baby sleep. There are pans soaking in the sink, I told myself. Did I respond to that email? I wondered. I’d love to start reading that new novel, I pined. But I really need to update his baby book, I lamented. The moment before me—the kind that I know to be one of the only true, real things that exists—was decimated by tasks, hobbies, obligations, and desires which all brashly demanded: pick me!
I find myself in this loop often. Sometimes it comes without pretense, other times like it did tonight, overshadowing near-perfect snippets of life—a thoughtful conversation with Kyle, the giving-over of myself to my journal, a silly rapid-fire text exchange with old friends—when the nagging of some other self reminds me that this thing is not the thing. It’s always the strongest when I’ve unexpectedly been given a small pocket of free time, empty minutes with nothing to fill them. The possibilities beat down on me like hail, each pelt of ice vying for my attention. Read. Write. Cook. Clean. Work. Play. Watch. Listen. Call. Text. Start. Finish. Go. Stay.
The most maddening part, of course, is that there is no right choice. No matter what I choose, I’ll either be rushing to finish whatever I’ve chosen so that I can then choose another thing or I’ll do the thing I chose while wondering the entire time, was this the right thing? I can see how insane this is—just choose the thing and do it, already. But I imagine most people experience something similar, with varying degrees of anxiety and indecision attached to time that hasn’t been earmarked for something specific. With incessant messaging from media that evangelizes both unrelenting productivity and the divinity of self-care, it’s unsurprising that we don’t know how to allow ourselves to be idle, much less to follow our own whimsy and curiosity. So how do we quiet the outside world when we’re finally gifted, for a few brief moments, the opportunity to amplify our inner world?
It will likely be an ongoing game of tug-o-war from now until forever, at least for me. Some days will end with yards of rope gathered behind me in victory, others with my backside caked in mud from a painful defeat. Some days, the dishes will demand my attention, and whimsy will fall to the wayside. But other days, I’ll get quiet and trust the nudges leading me towards whatever it is I need most, vowing to read the poem, sip wine in the sunshine, and lay on the floor with my toddler—virtuous attempts at freeing my mind from the dirty pans, which will just have to soak a little longer.
Worth Clicking: Self-Leadership Is the Productivity Tool That Rewards Your Deepest Needs, Forge/Medium
As a rebel, I have a hard time with self-discipline: I’ve developed an unfounded belief that I’m entitled to the freedom of doing what I want, when I want (not a great look). However, when I view my choices as ones that may benefit my future self, I act with (at least a little) more responsibility and care.
“It may sound like a pop-psychology buzzword, but the idea is simple: It’s a decision-making framework that gets you closer to what you want in the long term, without steamrolling over your emotions and desires in the short term. It’s about taking care of yourself in a more sustainable way.”
This value of self-leadership—which I would argue is the foundational principle of honoring my future self—is one I want to inhabit. This simple reframing is helping me be a better version of my present self, even if it took the idea of my future self to get there.
Worth Listening: NYT Food Columnist Melissa Clark on the Everything Is Fine podcast
This was recorded at the beginning of the pandemic, but turns out is still very much relevant months later! (yay?) I learned so many interesting pantry-foraging tips, easy snack-y ideas, and weird kitchen hacks (like, did you know you can freeze eggs?! Me neither!)
Related reading: Freeze Every Citrus Peel That Comes Through Your Kitchen, Epicurious - So many great ideas for how to use frozen citrus peels, beyond the obvious (in cocktails, of course!)
Worth Reading: Writers & Lovers by Lily King
I actually just started this, but am really enjoying it so far - the writing is quick and engrossing, and I find myself wanting to get back to it, which hasn’t happened with a novel in a bit. A synopsis: “At thirty-one, Casey is still clutching onto something nearly all her old friends have let go of: the determination to live a creative life. When she falls for two very different men at the same time, her world fractures even more. Casey's fight to fulfill her creative ambitions and balance the conflicting demands of art and life is challenged in ways that push her to the brink.” I’ll write a full review once I’m finished, but if you’re looking for a new read, this might be a good one to consider.
Related reading: The 50 Best Contemporary Novels Under 200 Pages, LitHub - Bite-sized literary joy is the theme of this article, which may be all our spiraling, catastrophizing brains can handle right now.
Worth Doomscrolling: Wealth Shown to Scale
(Note: this link is much better viewed on mobile.) Wealth—or at the very least, tangible financial security—is something I think most would identify with desiring. But no one person needs $170+ billion dollars (hi, Jeff Bezos), and the 400 richest Americans certainly have no use for $3.5 trillion dollars. This graphic puts that amount of wealth on visual display, and plays out various scenarios of how that money could be spent (while still leaving the ultra-wealthy with billions). I scrolled through the whole thing, but even a few minutes will give you the idea.
Related reading: Tim Cook just hit billionaire status, with Apple nearing a market value of $2 trillion (!?!). Here, though, it sounds as if Cook plans to give most of his wealth away.
Coffee oreo ice cream, a gift from the gods. Image is my own.
Worth Making: Coffee Oreo Ice Cream
With a bunch of heavy cream left over from a photoshoot, I decided to dust off my Kitchen Aid ice cream attachment and make some of the homemade stuff, which now has me wondering if I’ll ever consider store-bought again. It’s so easy! I followed the recipe with only two modifications: I steeped the coffee for a full hour, and added in crushed Oreos (but not too crushed, chunks of cookie are crucial!) instead of chocolate chips. Next I’m making classic vanilla and delivering a pint to a nearby friend in exchange for some blackberries from her garden. Fully in summer mode over here.
Worth Following: The Pancake Princess
Okay, the blog name is a little off-putting, but this account is the gold standard for someone who spends too much time researching The Absolute Best Brownie That Has Ever Existed Ever, and then becomes so overwhelmed with the options that she decides to just not bake any brownie at all. (That’s me. That’s me we’re talking about here.) Thankfully, Erika has done all the legwork and tested at least a dozen iterations of various desserts, so that I may find peace in baking again.
Worth Coveting: The Always Pan
I’ve had my eye on this pan for months—in sage, specifically—and am not far from convincing myself that we absolutely need it, seeing as it does the multi-tasking work of 8 pieces of cookware, a necessary replacement in a small kitchen lacking storage. Plus: built-in spoon rest!
Worth Bopping: Red Garland
You might assume that I would be the least likely person to listen to jazz, and you’d be 100% right! But sometimes I need a break from folklore, and this is just lovely background music. Red Garland, a jazz pianist, became famous when he played with Miles Davis in the 50s (though the two had a strenuous relationship). Tonight, I’m going to put on this playlist and fix up a couple G&Ts at 5pm, on the dot.
Worth Quoting: Maria Edgeworth, 19th-century novelist and children’s book author
“If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.”
And simply because anything Phil Collins-related is always worth mentioning:
Honorable Mentions
I’m posting other things I think are worth mentioning over on Instagram, @itsworthmentioning. Follow along there for the things that didn’t make the cut this week, but are still pretty great.
AND! I would love to hear from you: the things *you* think are worth mentioning, your thoughts on this issue, or just a note to say hello. Just hit reply to this email and it will go right to me.
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