Issue 09: Where Ideas Go to Die
Plus: A charming dating show, jewelry hunting and the return of Alanis
Worth Considering: Where Ideas Go to Die
When I put this newsletter together, it’s this opening essay that always gets written last. I try to spend the week prior earmarking interesting thoughts I have, in hopes that there may be something significant inside them that’s worthy of inspection and introspection. But come Monday, it’s still usually just a blank page staring me in the face, the cursor blinking back: you have nothing worthwhile to say.
Though I hope that my words might in some way resonate or entertain, my observations seem to disappear before I can untangle them or unearth their meaning. So where do my ideas go to die? There are a few graveyards I find them soldiering off to most often:
The Land of Distraction. There is nothing that kills an idea faster than opening your phone and reading an email, checking social media, texting a friend. A once-clear concept is now clouded with comparison, task completion, other people’s needs. The idea becomes a martyr to restlessness.
Come Back Later Island. You think there’s something of value in your hypothesis, but you want to revisit it later, when you have the time and space to do so properly—only to realize three days later that you have no clue what you meant when you recorded the idea in the first place. The unexplored concept is now a shell of meaning.
The Forest of Discomfort. The idea simply brings up too many emotions or uncomfortable feelings, so it’s easiest to cast aside and pretend you never had it in the first place. The subversive opinion is sacrificed for safety.
The Meadow of Other People’s Brilliant Thoughts. You convince yourself that the idea has been written about ad nauseam and you’ll only add noise. Everyone else did it first, and they most certainly did it better. The notion is squashed by the clap of the comparison trap.
My son has a children’s book called What Do You Do With An Idea? Though it’s written for kids, I’m the one who benefits the most from its lessons during our bedtime readings. At the end, the lead of the story comes to a realization:
“This is MY idea, I thought. No one knows it like I do. And it’s okay if it’s different, or weird, or maybe a little crazy. I decided to protect it, to care for it. I fed it good food. I worked with it, I played with it. But most of all, I gave it my attention.”
Even now, writing this essay feels forced, uncomfortable, boring, amateur, unoriginal. It reads to me like a shitty first draft, a cursory attempt that an editor hasn’t yet bled all over. But despite its imperfection, I hope reading this back will remind me to explore my ideas without distraction or comparison, to curl up with my discomfort and make a home inside of it. To climb atop my idea’s shoulders, look out at the landscape from above, to squint hard and notice unmarked trails that I might forge with curiosity. To entertain the daunting concept of brave exploration. To discover new ideas, and, with any luck, to resurrect the ones that died long ago.
Worth Clicking: “I Can’t Be a Writer If I Don’t Write Every Day” - The Cut
The thesis of this article centers around writing, but I think it applies to anything we want to do regularly or become better at. That could be cooking or running or reading novels or pitching clients or anything, really. Jasmine Guillory, the author of the piece, writes:
“The only way I broke this cycle of anxious thoughts and creative paralysis was to remind myself that writing is a practice, just like so many other things in life. I didn’t want my writing muscle to atrophy. Since the beginning of April, I have written at least something every day, just to keep going, to put one foot in front of the other.”
Worth Listening: Nice White Parents Podcast
After reading White Fragility, one of the topics I wanted to unpack was my relationship with and access to “good” schools, which is especially relevant now that I’m a parent myself and choices around his education are not far off. I found this podcast interesting—and quite complex, as there are so many factors involved in creating a well-integrated school (which, of course, extend beyond white parents). Unsurprisingly, conservatives loathe it (most of their reviews on iTunes simply call it “racist”), even though the first two episodes centered around liberals and their misguided, self-interested (if unintentional) attempts at desegregation in the 1960s. As Chana Joffe-Walt notes at the end of the second episode, even the underlying goals of integration were off from the beginning: while blacks saw it as a path towards providing safe classrooms and educational resources to their children, it became more about virtue signaling for white families, a keystone of diversity they could proudly hang their hat on. I’m looking forward to seeing where the rest of the season takes me.
Related reading: A corresponding book list that helped inform the content of the podcast.
Worth Watching: Love on the Spectrum, Netflix
After I got through watching Normal People and I May Destroy You, I was in the mood for something a little, shall we say, lighter. And did Love on the Spectrum ever provide! The 5-episode season follows a group of men and women in their 20s who are looking for love—and happen to be on the autism spectrum. It’s so charming, and their desire to find a partner is just so pure and true—proving that what we all really want in life is to love and be loved.
Worth Making: Moroccan Spiced Chickpea Bowls, Pinch of Yum
Hat tip to my pal Sara (no, not that one or that one…) who sent me this rec last week. Even though this a vegetarian dish, it was really filling and delicious. The onion/tomato/chickpea base makes approximately 5,744 servings, so I’ll be eating it all week for lunch, with a big dollop of greek yogurt, toasted tortilla wedges and all the cilantro. I’m not mad about it.
Worth Sipping: Rhubarb-Grapefruit Gin & Soda
I came across this old recipe from Top with Cinnamon, and I knew I wanted to adapt it. To me, this drink tastes a little like the bottom of a snow cone—rich and syrupy, but in a good way. I usually steer away from sweet cocktails, but this one is just right for late summer, and you can adjust the quantities below to your liking. Plus, that color…total showstopper.
Rhubarb-Grapefruit Gin & Soda, mentioned below. Image is my own.
Rhubarb-Grapefruit Gin & Soda
makes 1 cocktail
1.5 oz gin
1.5 oz rhubarb-grapefruit-thyme syrup
2 oz fresh grapefruit juice
Dash of rhubarb or grapefruit bitters (optional but recommended)
Seltzer
Combine all ingredients except seltzer in a shaker filled with ice. Shake until very cold, about 20 seconds. Strain into a rocks glass filled with fresh ice, then top with seltzer. Pinch a grapefruit twist over the cocktail to release its oils, then swoop it around the rim of the glass for aromatics.
For the syrup: Combine 1/2 cup fresh grapefruit juice, 1/2 cup water, 1/2 cup sugar, one stalk of rhubarb (chopped - about 1 cup) and a few springs of thyme to a saucepan. Stir over low heat until sugar has dissolved, then simmer on the lowest heat setting, allowing the rhubarb to soften, about 10 minutes. Once the rhubarb has softened, remove the thyme sprigs and gently crush the rhubarb—a potato masher works great for this. Allow to simmer for another 10 minutes. Remove from heat and let cool. Strain. Store in the fridge for up to two weeks.
Supplemental sip: Cold seltzer on ice with a couple of dashes of bitters is my new jam when I’m not drinking (so, rarely). Bitters can feel spendy, especially when you use so little of them, but they last forever and do make a big difference in cocktails (and mocktails!), I promise.
Worth Spending: Masks. Yep, masks.
Did you see that coming? Me neither! I’d been in denial about this pandemic thing going away, and now I’ve finally succumb to the fact that I need to buy a few more masks and sprinkle them liberally throughout our home and vehicles, like a virus-fighting fairy. I’m considering these ones from Athleta, Summersalt, Baggu, Hedley & Bennett and Nisolo. If you have mask recs, reply to this email and send them my way!
Worth Coveting: Simple, affordable everyday jewelry
Now that we’re firmly in the “skip the middleman,” direct-to-consumer model of retail, I am consistently surprised at how difficult it is to find simple, affordable 14k gold jewelry—specifically studs and dainty hoops—that won’t tarnish or fall apart with everyday wear. I love Vrai, which makes a gold circle necklace that I never take off (sadly now discontinued), but they’re moving more into fine jewelry (and dreamy, well-priced engagement rings). Recently, I discovered Mejuri which has a great selection of studs, and now Local Eclectic’s Family Gold line—two brands that may finally help me attain the ear party of my dreams.
Worth Bopping: “Ablaze” by Alanis Morissette
I was supposed to see Alanis in concert in June with my best friends from high school, and honestly I’m still bummed about the show’s cancellation. Thankfully, she debuted a couple tracks from her new album Such Pretty Forks in the Road in the spring, and it was fully released last week—which is a pretty good consolation prize. I don’t know if I’m extra emo right now due to the implosion of the world or whatever, but man, this song—and the video below in particular—is a total gut punch. I just love how happy she looks, the unscripted exchanges between her and her daughter, the sentimental lyrics. That, and how her kid is both enthralled by her and simultaneously unfazed by her iconic voice. I’ve watched it many times, and it continues to make me weepy.
Bonus bop: This song samples “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”—a classic with some good covers—and pairs extremely well with a 4pm glass of buttery chardonnay (okay, 2pm).
Worth Quoting: “The Thing Is” by Ellen Bass
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you down like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.
Honorable Mentions
I’m posting other things I think are worth mentioning over on Instagram, @itsworthmentioning. Follow along there for the things that didn’t make the cut this week, but are still pretty great.
AND! I would love to hear from you: the things *you* think are worth mentioning, your thoughts on this issue, or just a note to say hello. Just hit reply to this email and it will go right to me.
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